Joe the Horticulturist

...is what the McCain campaign should have called him, because he was a plant.

Check this out:

http://www.jedreport.com/2008/10/joe-the-plumber-admits-he-wasn.html

Now, this guy is going to be on all the morning shows...wonder how long this will take to blow up in McCain's face? Karl Rove used to be better at this stuff. Guess the kid, Steve Schmidt, just hasn't got the Old Man's chops.

McCain did well on debating points, probably better than he has all season. But his angry expressions, little outbursts, and general appearance of agitation didn't help him one bit. I have said all along that this was Kennedy/Nixon all over again, and last night proved it. McCain didn't look like the guy you want steering the ship. Obama did.

Toast. Look it up in the dictionary, you'll see McCain's picture.

Alternate meaning: toast- as in what we will do with champagne when Obama is elected. He clearly had a better grasp of the economy, and foreign policy, and domestic issues as a whole throughout the debates. He'll make a fine president of these United States.

Get used to the idea, folks. As Curtis Mayfield said, " A change is gonna come."

What Do We Really Know About John McCain?

...is what the ads would look like if Steve Schmidt were runnng Obama's campaign.

OMINOUS VOICE: What DO we know...about John McCain?

OMINOUS MUSIC CUE: ka-chungggg!!!

OMINOUS VOICE: He tells us he spent five years in a *prison camp* in the 60's...but he was surrounded by Commnists all that time. What did they do to him? What did they do to his mind? One of his jailers said he would make a good President...but he didn't say * of what*.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: I don't know where McCain really was all that time. He's never given us a lot of detail. And he was endorsed by the Communists? How can we trust him?

OMINOUS VOICE: John McCain disobeyed orders and flew lower than he was supposed to on that mission. Nobody actually saw his plane hit by a missile.

OMINOUS MUSIC: ka-chungggg!!!

OMINOUS VOICE: John McCain. Disobeyed orders. Stayed in a hotel for 5 years with Communists. Can we really trust him?



Of course they have to resort to crap like this. Liberal isn't scary enough, when the economic situation your pals caused is what's scaring people. And they can't come right out and say " Jesus Christ, you can't vote for him, HE"S BLAAACCCKKKK!!!"
So they use this "terrorist" horse manure.

Let's review: At the time of Obama's birth, Saddam Hussein was as well known in Iraq as Hank Rebouzniak is now in Hollywood. Who is Hank Rebouzniak? Exactly. Nobody had heard of Saddam Hussein at the time of Obama's christening, not even in Iraq. So to suggest that somehow Obama's dad knew that someday this unknown guy was going to become dictator of a country, 15 years before it happened, makes as much sense as Bat Boy being the father of Bristol Palin's baby.

It is ugly, and has no place in the debate, to suggest that Obama is a terrorist. It's an easy way to justify anything that happens to him, in the eyes of some people. Some might even think it was their patriotic duty to prevent him from becoming President by any means, legal or otherwise.

If Obama is a terrorist, then Nancy Reagan is a terrorist, for having met and dined with King Hussein of Jordan. So were Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon.

These rumors need to be squashed. Let's have a debate on the issues. If you can't debate the issues, then shut the f*** up.

Baby Got Perk

Gosh she is perky. And she sure has gumption.

And if there is anything this country needs in these perilous times...

...it sure as hell ain't perkiness and gumption. I don't want to be winked at, no matter how fetching the winker.

And I especially don't want someone who says " I'll answer the questions *I* want to answer, and the hell with the media." Oh yeah, and the bit about wanting more power than the Vice President already has, in the age of Cheney as Puppeteer-in-Chief? Not so desirable.

I want someone who understands the issues, knows some history, can remember more than one Supreme Court case, and can remember the name of one news organ that she reads. I want someone who actually understands foreign policy issues, not just memorizes talking points. I want someone who isn't going to look into the camera and lie through her teeth.

Here is the perfect Palin moment in the debate, for me: She chides Biden for dwelling on the past, using Ronald Reagan's line " There you go again...". Talk about dwelling on the past, trying to conjure up Reagan at his Great Communicator best in a debate, as a way of ginning up the base. Take that, Kathleen Parker.

Both did a great job, for what they had to do. Biden was a convincing President-in-waiting, if the need should arise. Palin staunched the hemorrhaging of support, and didn't throw up on the podium. Anybody who had concerns about the candidates' capabilities had their questions answered last night.

On to Tuesday's debate.

You Have Been Warned, Ms. Ifill

Well. Gwen Ifill, moderator of this Thursday's debate between Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin, has a broken foot. Seems she fell down some stairs while studying for the debate. ( One wag said " she was carrying 20 pounds of Sarah Palin's bullshit.")

Does anybody know where Tanya Harding was last night? How long has she been working for McCain?

I can see it now: as Ifill writhes on the floor, groaning, a shadowy figure appears and in a hoarse whisper says "Let this be a little warning to youse, Ms. Ifill. We're watching youse. If youse play any 'gotcha' games with your little debate questions, youse will have to answer some questions. And we might not be so gentle next time like we wuz tonight...got it?"

Of course, it's only the merest of coincidences that one of McCain's crafty minions essentially threatened Ifill the other night if she didn't play nice with Governor Palin.

But it does make a person wonder...how desperate ARE these guys, anyway?

WHAT MCCAIN SAID ABOUT THE FAILURE OF THE BAILOUT PLAN TO PASS IN CONGRESS:

"Now is not the time for blame."

WHAT MCCAIN MEANT:

" I already blamed Obama. THAT was the time for blame. Not now."

McCain, by the way, showed stellar leadership when he was able to persuade half, that is, 50%, of the Arizona delegation to support the bailout bill. Half. In his home state. The state of which he is the senior member of the delegation.

That's still a lot better than W. did. He called and strongarmed all 19 members of the Texas delegation. Got 4 votes. 4. Out of 19. Former Governor of Texas, current President of the United States, and he can't persuade HIS OWN FREAKING PEOPLE, TEXANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, to vote for his bill.

Yep, all Pelosi and Obama's fault. Damn those anybody but America first liberals.

McCain is Flailin', Is Palin Bailin'?

Hoo boy. McCain must be having flashbacks: " I'm hit! We're going down! NOOOOooooooo...."

His campaign is approaching terminal velocity on the way to auguring in. And now his choice of Sarah Palin as the Wing Person (no, too easy, not going to make any hardware references...) is going to be showcased on Thursday.

And her flight training is not going well. In aviator terms, she is washing out. Apparently her debate training went so poorly that a mock debate left a senior campaign staffer saying, " My God...what are we going to do?"

Given the response to Friday's debate, it is intriguing to note that with only 6 Sundays left before the election, Palin and McCain had no events scheduled yesterday. None. No talk shows, no rallies, no public appearances whatsoever.

What were they doing? What were they talking about? Were they even in the same place?

Here is my suspicion: They are planning the Hail Mary of the Week: Palin bails on the debate because of a "family issue" of some kind, or she bails on the campaign altogether, again because of family concerns.

An alternate possibility is that they are working on a plan to lower expectations so much that if she doesn't soil herself on camera, she appears to have won the debate.

One suggestion: emergency dental surgery, so that her replies to Gwen Ifill consist of "Errr...glurgh ufh ghaa sheesh Putin hufh hurfh prijj ta nohair nunh unh".

Which will make Joe Biden look like a beast for even responding with teeth in his head.

It's their only hope.

Ummm...WTF?

Now, let me get this straight: This economic crisis is so great that John McCain has to be in Washington on Friday night, and can't make it to the debate. And he wants to do a make-up debate that will occur instead of the vice-presidential debate.

A little history, Senator McCain. Abraham Lincoln ran a campaign for president during the Civil War. There were three elections during the Great Depression. There was an election during World War 2.

And this is more of a calamity than those three events?

First of all, who the hell will even be IN Washington at 9 p.m. on a Friday night? Are you kidding me? A third of the Senate is running for re-election. They will be out campaigning.

Second of all, you haven't voted on anything in 5 months. People losing their houses, you're out campaigning. People going broke trying to pay for gas, you're out campaigning. People losing their jobs, unemployment rising, you're out campaigning. A bunch of your Wall Street supporters in danger of losing a whole lot of their money, well, Katy bar the door, NOW there is a problem, and you're going to go to D.C. to solve it.

There is a word for this, Senator. I'll be polite and make it 2 words: Bovine excrement.

There is, of course, a simple solution to this dilemma. If it is absolutely imperative for you to deal with a crisis, then do what any President would do: send in the V.P. as a surrogate. After all, Sarah Palin is fully vetted, and fully qualified to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency. Who better to speak on John McCain's behalf than his running mate? She doesn't have to be in Washington. In fact, there would be nothing for her to do there. So she can fill in for you, Senator McCain.

Sure she can.

Senator McCain, and all your supporters, answer me this: How is it that you can stand up to the North Vietnamese, but you can't bear to face Jim Lehrer...of PBS? How is it that Senator Obama, who you claim is inexperienced and untested, and has no accomplishments in the Senate of which to speak, is too terrifying to debate? On the subject in which you claim to have the greatest expertise? This should be a cakewalk for you, Senator, if all of what you say is true.

Unbelievable. "Elect us to lead you. We don't need to answer any questions or talk to the press."

Now on to something even more laughable: The rumor that Obama is not legally qualified to be President because he was actually born in Kenya, and his mom flew him to Hawaii right after his birth to get a fake birth certificate.

In order for that to be true, Mrs. Obama would have had to know that her son wanted to one day be President of the United States. Yeah, that was a pretty plausible supposition in 1961, when many blacks couldn't even legally vote. Barack would of course automatically be a US citizen no matter where he was born. He just wouldn't be able to run for President if he were born in Kenya.

Now, let's take a look at the logistics of travel in 1961. If Mrs' Obama had been lucky, she might have been able to fly on a Boeing 707, with a top speed of about 530 knots. if she got on a Lockheed Constellation, the speed would have been about 250 knots at best. Given the amount of travel involved in flying between Kenya and Hawaii, she would have had to fly about 12,000 miles going east. Kenya was not exactly a major jet-set route, so the number of stops and layovers would have been daunting for a healthy woman traveling by herself.

And of course, she would have just given birth...ALWAYS a fun time in 1961. She would have been traveling with an infant. There were no Pampers in 1961, so she would have been dealing with cloth diapers. On the plane. In the airport. No wet-wipes then, either.

Ever traveled with a newborn on an airplane? They cry the entire time because they can't clear their ears. Now imagine that air travel takes 50% longer for a 707, probably 100% longer for a Lockheed Constellation, than what we are used to now.

And why go 12,000 miles to the east to go to Hawaii. when New York City would be much easier to get to, faster, more cheaply, at only about 5000 miles away?

Clearly, this cockamamie idea was hatched by a guy. A woman would have known that no woman would have put herself or her baby through that ordeal, even if she somehow had been able to divine that 48 years later, her child would be the Democratic nominee for President.

It's even dumber than the idea that Obama's middle name, Hussein, has something to do with Saddam Hussein. Who the hell had heard of Saddam Hussein in 1961? Hell, he was almost totally unknown in IRAQ in 1961, let alone Kenya or the U.S.

Yet there are people who give this crap credence. They believe that humans and dinosaurs coexisted, so why couldn't this happen? Oddly, the fact that there exists no birth certificate for John McCain doesn't faze them in the least.

But the fact that there is no birth certificate leads inescapably to one, and only one, conclusion: John McCain wasn't born on this planet. He is an alien from another galaxy. Which explains a lot.

I think I found the problem...

So, I go into a bank today to get some change for the store where I work. I ask the teller for $150 in $10 bills.

She counts them out: " 60, 70, 80, 100, 110, 120, 130, 140, 150."

I think, maybe she counted 2 at once...so I recount the money. Sure enough, I'm $10 short.

I point this out to her, and she says, " Oh, I am sorry, I am SO bad with tens."

She works in a bank. She is bad with "tens". What, they are heavier than ones? Does she get hypnotized by the zero?

What the hell has happened to this country when a BANK TELLER HAS TROUBLE WITH TENS??!?!?

I'm thinking that's what got the country's economy so messed up. We have banking types who have trouble with 10's, with 1,000's, with freaking BILLIONS....

And am I the only one who is thinking, hmmm...did they do this on purpose so they could totally bankrupt the US government, basically to make it, in the memorable words of Neo-conservative Grover Nordquist, "small enough to drown in the bathtub."? It is, after all, the Republican Party's wet dream to totally hobble the Federal Goverment. And by giving one man, ONE MAN, the ability to write $700 billion in TAXPAYERS MONEY with absolutely no repercussions if he uses it to, say, buy back Sarah Palin's state airplane, or invest heavily in hookers and cocaine, or buy Lithuania for the hell of it. He can do so with no possibility of oversight, accountability, or even civil or criminal penalties. He can do WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS TO with taxpayer dollars that our GRANDCHILDREN will have to pay. And guess what? It's going to be a loan...so who gets the interest on $700 billion? BANKS!!!!!!! The ones who lobbied for the deregulation that got us into this mess.

Oh yeah, and it's the Chinese who will buy up all the paper. Smooth. And if they decide to call in the loans..we're toast.

Without them ever having to fire a shot.

AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Phil Gramm. Thank you, John McCain. Thank you, Susan Collins. Thank you, George W. Bush.

Could somebody analyze the Bush DNA and find out what it is that causes enormous government bailouts of incompetent bankers at taxpayers' expense? In Poppy's administration it was the Savings and Loan scandal. Piffle, Dad, says W. That was a paltry $85 billion or so. This Bush is going to screw the American Taxpayers to the tune of $700 billion.

If this were any other country in the world, there would be rioting in the streets.